Is Your Spouse/Partner Holding You Back?

Here’s a controversial question - Have you ever set a goal and run into a roadblock called your spouse/partner?  Did you try and talk them into the same goal only to find they were not on the same page as you and it ended up in an argument?  Me too, in fact, most of us who are married or in a committed relationship have been there.  Did you know that most of the time it’s YOUR fault?  Ouch!  What do I mean?  Let’s look into this for a minute and I’ll explain.

Let’s say I got sick and tired of the financial situation our family is in, living paycheck to paycheck and I wanted to create a plan to get rid of our debt and start saving money so we could progress forward with our finances.  This is a great goal right?  So, I find tools, research plans, get a financial coach, and I’m off and running.  The typical person would figure out where they have made mistakes and go right at the problem.  There isn’t necessarily anything wrong with that, and frankly, there is a lot right with that approach.  However, in order to make significant changes in our outcome, we need to make significant changes in your behaviors.  Unfortunately, what happens is we often forget that the key to changing our behaviors is to change our mindset and our heart condition.  This is the step we tend to skip when approaching our partner about a goal we want to achieve. 

In this example, the first thing we do after getting fired up about something  is to go home and TELL our partner what we are going to DO.  We forgot to include them in the motivation phase.  We went through that on our own and got fired up about this plan but gave our partner no warning about what we are excited about and then expect them to be excited too.  We tell them WHAT we are going to do but we should have started with WHY we are doing it.  What would the outcome be if we went home and told them we are selling their car, canceling the vacation we planned for over a year, and are not going out to eat anymore?  I can tell you, it won’t end pretty!  That is an awful way to pitch an idea, and guess what…most of us have done it this way.

My 3 step process for getting people on a plan to win with money is the same I’d use for getting your partner on the same page.  I use this in my individual coaching as well as when I teach my classes on finance.  Dream. Plan. Execute.  

The FIRST step is to DREAM together.  Ask your partner important questions about what they’d like to do in the future, who would you help, what would you buy, and how you want to live?  These questions are priming the pump to get on common ground and will bond you together, just by talking about what you want to do with money.  People respond when they feel heard so when both of you have had time to lay out your dreams and goals with the other one, it allows our hearts to soften and the guards come down.  

The SECOND step is to PLAN.  The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan.  Without that plan, the dream will always remain a dream.  So, create a plan together, throw ideas out there about how you want to live your life and what that would look like.  

Once you have the plan in place, the THIRD step is to EXECUTE that plan.  I’ve got news for you.  You can have the greatest plan ever, but if you don’t execute it, you’ll never achieve anything.  Set up boundaries, action steps, and break them into small milestones so you can see your progress.  

Talk and share your dreams together, make a plan to turn those dreams into goals, and execute that plan to achieve your short and long term plan.  This is a proven method to get your spouse/partner on board with a goal you have.  More importantly, it’s not just in the area of finance.  This will work on any topic you bring up. 

Here’s to living your Ideal Life!